Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Truths For Mature Humans

  1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
  2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
  3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  4. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  5. Google Directions needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure i know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
  7. I can't remember the last time i wasn't at least kind of tired
  8. Bad decisions make good stories.
  9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  10. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  11. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
  12. I hate when i just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  14. I wish google maps had and "Avoid Ghetto" routing option
  15. Sometimes, I'll Watch a movie that I had watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
  16. I would rater try to cary 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
  18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just not and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
  19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
  20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
  21. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
  22. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning you chair back a little too far.
  23. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
  24. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey - but I'd bet my life everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

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