Truths For Mature Humans
- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font.
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- Google Directions needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure i know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I can't remember the last time i wasn't at least kind of tired
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page document that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
- I hate when i just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- I wish google maps had and "Avoid Ghetto" routing option
- Sometimes, I'll Watch a movie that I had watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
- I would rater try to cary 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just not and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning you chair back a little too far.
- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and pinning the tail on the donkey - but I'd bet my life everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
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